Confessions Of A Beach Bum

// I volunteered at Field Day on Monday, at first I was a little disappointed to end up at the art station but then I realized it came with a tent and no kids that were screaming and running around. Art tent will be mine every year!

// My right index and middle fingers hurt badly when I try to open lids on jugs and bottles. This hasn't always, why does getting old suck?

// Every night I sit in my big reading chair watching the sunset and dreaming of the day 7 days from now when I can chase them because my kid will have summer bedtime. Summer bedtime is the point in the day where I can't take anymore and it's bedtime or bust.

// At Field Day we got to listen to Kidz Bop all day, which leads me to my next confession. I thought hearing a bunch of inmates singing "Party Up" while they watched TV was weird. How about a bunch of 6 year-olds singing "See You Again" while they work on their art projects?

// It annoys me a new book app but it's only for iPhone so I can't download it. Android users are book lovers too!

// When we adopted our dog in January K named her Marina, more times than not I call her Beans. She answers to either.

// I have to help my kid learn an age appropriate joke for Red Nose day, good thing I have Google because I don't know any age appropriate jokes.

// Wanting something really badly makes me work harder for it.

What are you confessing this week?

Things I Don't Understand

// Leggings worn as pants.

// When someone asks me if we're going on vacation this summer or any summer.

// People who forget that the same traffic laws apply where you're a tourist as they do where you live.

// Algebra.

// Why anyone cares what strangers do with their personal lives.

// People that have the time to spend writing angry hateful comments to strangers on the internet.

// Why flex schedules and naps at work aren't basic employee benefits.

// The appeal of graphic novels.

// People who rely solely on social media for their news.

// Group chats when you're only talking to one person.

// Why someone won't pay me to read books and lay on the beach all day.

// Where summer is!

What don't you understand?

Confessions Of A Beach Girl

// My kid forgot her lunch on Last week, I used it as a perfect opportunity for her to try new things. So I refused to run home and return with her lunch instead I told her to eat school lunch. (GASP)! She was PISSED but learned she likes frozen french toast.

// I 've read two books from start to finish recently. I picked up something I knew would be light and easy on my brain. No concentration required it was exactly what I needed to get back on the reading train. WhooWhoo.

// One of the karate instructors is a big bully and while most parents sit there and take it I refuse to be bullied. Besides the fact that I am 14 days away from being 39 years old I am the customer, I pay you to teach my kid karate and I expect you to treat me with the same respect you expect from me!

// I feel like the weekend isn't complete if the cops, fire trucks, and/or ambulance doesn't show up on my street to visit someone at least one of the days.

// Lauren sent out a Tweet to her southeastern friends about eating on Top Chef Charleston, I emailed them ASAP and I'm awaiting more information! Blog friends always give you the best inside info! We all know from previous confessions I wanted to get into a Top Chef Charleston event.

// I'm a procrastinator with big dreams, I need something to remind me daily if I don't chase my dreams I'll still be in the same place 10 years from now and while this is a great place to be in life I have bigger dreams. So who has a great Facebook, Twitter, or IG account for daily motivation?

// K wrote and illustrated a Mother's Day story about me at school, it's the best Mother's Day gift ever and it shows how well my kid really knows me. She even says I look best when I wear skulls, I LOVE that kid!

// Tyson knocked on the neighbors door yesterday to ask if he could have a cinder block from her yard. She called the police because there was a suspicious person in the neighborhood trying to get in her house. Now I want to go throat punch that racist bitch because SHE is part of a huge problem that should be an absolute non-problem.

Confessions and Random Thoughts

// It was in the 80's on Tuesday and I finally didn't freeze at the ball field! I feel like it was a warm winter and now it's been a cool spring. The weather lady says our 80-degree day was above normal but I've been looking at Facebook beach memories in the see your memories notification for at least two weeks now. Get it together spring!

// K calls my mom Bama because she couldn't say Grandma when she was little and the rest of us made sure Bama stuck because Grandma's are old ladies with white hair that bake cookies and my mom isn't any of those things. I made Bama a shirt that matches K's for T-ball that says Bama, unfortunately, the color of K's t-ball shirt is burgundy so every will probably just think Bama is cheering for Bama. Roll Tide!

// The local police pick up truck visited the neighbors while I was out front working in my metal flower beds last weekend. I took a picture to send to Tyson and then immediately wondered if I should put it in my monthly picture recap Beach Scenes. I try to show you my real life in pictures with those posts and the police visiting one of the neighbors is as real as it gets.

// My mom, my sister, and my aunt are all going to be in Europe for a week in May. They have all left me with wills and instructions about what to do if something should happen to them. I'm not a fan, one or two of them at a time is enough all of them is too much.

// I read some pages of Mr. Mercedes on Sunday and really enjoyed them, I haven't read any pages since. Some nights I don't even taste my dinner because I'm dong three other things while I'm trying to eat it. Being busy at work, homework, karate, t-ball, dinner, school events, lunch packing, and bath time has me going a little crazy. By the time Friday rolls around all I want to do for weekend fun is nothing. This is also the reason my blogging went from regular to irregular, there just aren't enough hours in the day for all the things I want to do.

// My least favorite job duty is conference calls, we don't do a ton of them but when we do I dread them until they are over. Most of the time I'm not an active participant and find it hard to stay an active listener for and hour plus.

Any random thoughts to go with your weekly confessions?

Confess On Wednesday

// Any discussion about weight and/or eating habits makes me uncomfortable. I can't commiserate without feeling like you're thinking I sure wish that skinny bitch would shut up and no one wants to hear a skinny girl complain about being too skinny. So let's just talk about something else, mmmkay?

// The offseason here is hard on our budget especially this year with the number of unexpected expenses that popped up. So while I hate to see my town and beach filling up with rude, drunk, feeding the birds tourists I love that they are spending their money and I am benefiting from it via Tyson's paycheck.

// On Monday morning when my spring break's over and you have to go back to school alarm went off I wanted to throw something. Then when I saw the high school bus picking up kids an hour later I got even more mad. I don't want my kid to grow up too fast but not rushing or arguing with a 6-year-old at 6:30 AM seems like heaven right now.

// K and I love to explore, last weekend we found a place with a view of where the ocean meets the inlet from across the marsh. You can see the beach, you can see waves, AND you get to see all the marsh and it's rugged beauty. Not only that I didn't see a tourist in site, now where's my lottery winnings? (The picture above is actually of this confession)

// A couple of weeks ago K went on a field trip to Publix now she's off to Petco, I personally find that the most ridiculous thing ever. What they're doing is advertising to my kid so she comes home and begs for shit she saw, dead ass wrong.

// I'm hoping to find out what color K's t-ball shirt is this week so I can get one in a matching color maybe with her name on the back, I've totally decided to be THAT mom!

What are you confessing this week?

Confess This

// I don't really like breakfast food, it's okay sometimes but more often than not it's too heavy for me. I prefer to eat a nice grilled chicken salad for breakfast with a little ranch dressing. I feel so much better when I choose this breakfast over other options.

// This weird Twitter account Summer Erickson keeps favoriting my Tweets. Sage Erickson is a famous surfer but who the hell is Summer Erickson? A catfish'er with 29,200 followers?!?

// I was judging all the parents at this weekend's Easter egg hunts that were going after "the good stuff" and cramming it into their child's baskets for them. I could only think a) you're going to be getting rid of that shit in 6 months it's not really that great and b) have some fucking dignity and stop being greedy. Then I saw Monday that the parents at my egg hunts weren't the only one's participating in egg hunt assholery, apparently this is a common occurrence across out great nation.

// Getting at 6:30 AM for school feels early and unnecessary, getting up at 6:30 AM to walk the dogs when everyone else is off and asleep feels like a special relaxing treat.

// I'm ready to reclaim my house from house guests, this includes sending my kid back to her own bed where she can't run her toes across the bottoms of my feet all night.

// I know charities and thrift stores don't want Fifty Shades of Grey books but I have a growing girl and I don't want the Fifty Shade books or The Twilight books to be among her at home reading options so off to be traded in they go.

// I want to have a long quiet reading weekend but that probably won't happen for another 10 years or so.

What are you confessing this week?

Getting It Off My Chest

// I may have purposely failed to tell Tyson about my tattoo appointment on Thursday because I didn't want to argue about who would be watching K. He is always dead set against leaving her with anyone but family which leaves me with a kid most of the time. 99.9% of the time I'm super happy with that arrangement but there's that pesky .1% left over where I'm in a bind.

// I don't post happy birthday on someone's page just because Facebook told me it was so and so's birthday. I don't even communicate with most of those so and so's the other 364 days a year so why send out and awkward FB birthday wish? I've even changed my settings so Facebook should not notify people of my birthday because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to wish me an awkward happy birthday.

// I can't get enough sleep lately, I sleep all night and then feel tired all day. On the weekends, I'm sleeping in and taking naps before going to bed early. Why do I need all the sleep, as you get older you're supposed to need less sleep.

// I've figured out a way to give up my bed to our house guests but not my own space room/office. While I could buy an air mattress bed frame that entails spending money I don't want to spend but more importantly, finding a place to store the damn thing when it's not in use. Instead, we're going to move the big bed to K's room and K's little bed to the big room. It's way easier to move a bed than it is an entire office and internet modem.

// This weekend we started watching a show on A&E called 60 Days In, where non-criminal people voluntarily spend 60 days in a jail undercover as inmates. After three shows I'm just gleefully waiting for inmates to kick Roberts ass because being a former officer I could see it coming episode one and because I want to kick guys like Robert in the ass myself when I meet them.

// Even though I hate cooking I watch all the fun cooking competition shows. Last week the local news reported that the next season of Top Chef will be filmed in Charleston and I'm wondering how to become a food blogger ASAP so I can get invited to one of their cooking/tasting events.

// It's only March but I'm waiting for the school's field day because I LOVE field day.

What are you confessing this week?

Wednesday Confessional

// In last week's post, I mentioned that I no longer shave under my arms on a regular basis, this week I'll continue that confession with I freaking hate shaving my under arms, HATE it, so I stopped doing it mid last summer and it makes shower time so much more enjoyable.

// I want to take pictures of parents who can't figure out the school's drop off/pick up line and post it on the schools' Facebook page. I'll call it ass monkey of the day.

// Last week I convinced K to wear her curls not in a braid and then all week I stared at the curls and willed them to jump on my head. I've ALWAYS wanted curls like that, I hope she appreciates them as much as I do someday.

// I have Salem mostly leash trained until I try to walk him and Marina together, then he acts like we haven't been training at this leash thing for the last 3 freaking months, meanwhile Marina knows exactly what to do and goes about it while giving Salem the stink eye.

// K lost her second tooth, literally lost it. When I told her she'd have to leave the tooth fairy a note she said she didn't want to. So I told her the tooth fairy wouldn't leave her money with no tooth or no note, her response was. "That's okay, I don't want any money." I waiver between thinking yayyy she's not materialistic and shit I hope she doesn't live at home forever.

// Spring forward used to bother me but no more, but why? Is it because I'm old or because I live on "beach time". I need to know this reason for this new found appreciation for the much-hated spring forward.

// After I got my hair cut yesterday I wanted to freeze my hair and never wash or sleep on it again just like when I had a good hair day with my over hair sprayed 90's bangs. Nobody does hair like a professional stylist.

What are you confessing this week?

A Different Kind Of Confession

Usually on Wednesday's I confess things like, I stopped shaving under my arms and I don't care if people think that it's gross. That is a true confession but not the kind I'm going to talk to you about today. Today I'm going to confess that unbeknownst to me until I recently I have social anxiety.

Let's start at the beginning shall we? If you've read here any amount of time you know that I don't do a lot of traveling, just the thought of traveling brings me a huge amount of stress and anxiety. I wasn't always this way but as I got older I'd get sick every time I decided to travel, and by travel I mean a trip to my mom's house 4 hours away could make me feel anxious and stressed.

It's crazy, I know it's crazy but I can't fix it. I've tried to tell myself to stop being an idiot and just get over it. I'm almost 39 freaking years old after all, how can the thought of leaving my house overnight make me feel like puking?

Over Christmas, I was talking to a relative who is a CNP about my travel anxiety, and she said well do you get anxious any other time you leave your house. My answer was well not really, there are a lot of times I think to myself why did you make those plans? Staying home would be much preferred to leaving; then I would answer myself with, you know you'll have a good time once you get there so move your ass bitch. She said that sounds like social anxiety and asked if I'd ever had a panic attack. At first, I said no but as I started thinking about it I remember the pier incident from last summer. I described it to her and she confirmed that it was a panic attack. At the end of our visit, she recommended an anti-anxiety medication that is taken twice daily. I was skeptical but was willing to give it a try.

I've been taking anti-anxiety pills twice a day (most of the time) now since the middle of January and I notice a huge difference in my day to day anxiety levels. I now look forward to leaving the house when I make plans, no more forcing myself out the door. It's refreshing not to have to convince myself something I want to do is going to be fun.

I still noticed my anxiety level was through the roof when driving to Lego Kidsfest, and my appetite was gone (I don't stress eat, I stress don't eat). I felt fine once I arrived at the convention center and later at my mom's house, I even had lunch with an old friend anxiety free. I still need to work on the actual travel part of travel, just sitting here typing about it makes me feel anxious (yup I'm a wack job). I look forward to making more progress as I take more successful away from home trips. Maybe I can even get to Europe before my sister moves home!

Do you have social or travel anxiety? How do you deal with it?

The Confess Sesh

// Recently I've had a very hard time staying awake at my desk in the afternoons, adult nap time still isn't a thing?!?

// Raising a kid is terrifying, I'm so glad she's not old enough to understand what's going on in America today and I hope by the time she is we've gotten our shit together.

// I don't want fruit on my meat or nuts on my pastries, it drives Tyson insane because all he wants is to make a little chutney. (bleh)

// I dream of growing older with my friends Golden Girl style, seems way more fun than growing older with a man. :)

// I secretly enjoy kiddie parties because at K's age it basically means I get to hang out with my friends while she plays with other kids. Win/win for everyone.

// My sister and I binge watch all the beach house hunting shows whenever we get the chance, we've picked Bocas Del Toro as the tropical place we want to live someday.

// My pictures rarely have anything to do with my posts, I just like to take and share pictures of the beach.

// I found Girl Scout cookies this weekend and then proceeded to eat both boxes before Monday was over. I'll just blame it on Monday because Monday.

// K has all the sudden shown an interest in things like karate, swimming, and softball. I'm excited that it's more than just something fun to do now and that she really shows interest in getting serious.

// When I tell other adult people I love Snapchat they look at me like I'm crazy, I can only say texting is so much better when you can include a facial expression!

Got a confession?

The One With The Weekly Confessions Post

// My car came with Sirius radio free for a year, so I've been living in the 90's and the 2000's as far as my music goes lately.

// I'm struggling hard with my reading challenge, I was determined to finish but then all the books not on my challenge list started saying "read me, read me".

// I was excited Little K wanted to sign up for T-ball until I found out it was on Tuesday and Thursday nights, we go to karate on Monday and Wednesday. My life is about to be all about driving a kid around for a few weeks.

// The tooth fairy left about $3 more than she wanted to but that's what happens when dad is around.

// If I don't find some Girl Scouts with cookies soon I'm going to lose my mind, how does my sister in Europe get cookies before I do??

// I don't think kindergartener's who can barely read and write should have research projects, guess how much a kindergartner can contribute to a research project assignment and then guess who gets to make up the slack?

// I've fallen off the happiness train and am looking for a good place to jump back on. Morning meditation sounds like the place to start but I sure do miss my Stop, Breathe, and Think app.

// I wish my house had the same new car smell my car has, I love that smell.

// I'm ready for summer and warm weather and beach days, let's make that happen okay? Okay!

// I've been really worried about a dear friend lately but sometimes in life we just have to let people make their mistakes and hope that they get it together sooner rather than later.

What are you confessing today?

My Weekly Tell All

It's confession day!

//  The school drop off/pick  up line makes me stabby. Get your ass to the end of the line, stop playing candy crush, and pull forward until you can't anymore if you want to find your kid. Why is this so hard?

// I LOVE my new car it's the nicest vehicle I've ever owned, that doesn't stop the buyers remorse. So many plans for the car payments I wouldn't be making, not a single one was a replacement car payment.

// We had open health insurance enrollment in August, I can't stop thinking about the $400 additional I don't see every month because my health insurance company gets it. Research shows the law only requires the insurance to be affordable for individuals, screw those families with kids they probably don't need to eat anyway.

// I took Friday off this week not realizing I'd be off on Monday too, hello three day work week you sexy beast.

// I'm slowly but surely saving my change for a new tattoo, the plan is to tattoo myself for my birthday. Donations welcome.

// If you have Trump sign in your yard or a sticker on your car I just assume you're an asshole.

// I turned my oven on to pre-heat the other night and it shot sparks across the kitchen, yayy for being a renter sometimes.

// All my neighbors think I'm a bitch so I do everything to encourage that label when I see them, that way they won't talk to me.

What are you confessing this week?

The PJ Police and Other Confessions

// I have no desire to be a PJ mom, and if you are a full-time PJ mom I'm judging you. While there are occasions where yoga pants and a sweatshirt at a school related thing (hello drop off/pick up line) are okay there are also places I wouldn't be caught dead wearing what are basically PJ's (hello parent/teacher conference).

// There is a dad that waits for his kid to get off the bus while wearing teenage mutant ninja turtle fleece pants, I'm judging PJ dad too.

// Instead of buying Christmas presents this year we rented an ocean front condo for a week but I still want to buy my sister a present. I don't know what to get her which is why I suggested no presents to start with.

// Sometimes the social things K learns in school surprises me, especially when she points out some kids Under Armour sweatshirt because she recognizes the logo from school conversations or when she tells me she's wearing her Sketchers to school today, on day one they were here rainbow shoes.

// It makes me uncomfortable that my mom listed me on all her bank accounts and gave me a copy of her will because she's visiting my sister in Europe for a week this month and another couple weeks in the spring. Is this what our world has come too?!?

// That explaining to my 6 year old why santa brings some kids presents and not others is annoyingly hard. Santa ran out of money doesn't cut it but what else can you say when you're trying to teach her kindness by donating toys to less fortunate kids via Toys For Tots?

// That I suck at blogging lately, all my best ideas come at night when I'm cozy in bed and to lazy to get up and write them down.

// The Post50 section of the Huffington Post is one of my daily reads, hashtag old lady status.

// Goodreads is my favorite social media platform, all the books and none of the drama.

// My kid got sent home from school yesterday because she had a fever again, but when I checked it here no fever. She still can't go back until Wednesday and we are on day 7 of absences, so frustrating when she acts like she feels perfectly fine and the doctor can't find a problem.

Linking up with Kathy and Nadine.

Coversations with Myself - NaNoWriMo Edition

Hello from the other side (in my Adele voice). In case you missed it I'm participating in NaNoWriMo (check out my cool word count widget on the sidebar to see how I'm doing) for the first time, here are a few random thoughts I've had about the process.

// All these people offering words of encouragement get a mention in my acknowledgements if I ever get published.

// I don't know how to start today, what word comes first. It doesn't matter you can improve it later just pick  a damn word.

// Is it time to turn on my computer yet I know exactly what to write this morning.

// Someone should make a shower whiteboard for ideas that pop up while you're washing your hair.

// Maybe I  shouldn't listen to music I'm doing more singing than writing today.

// What did I name that random character we'll never meet in the story outside of someone's thoughts?

// This is direction is way better than my pre-planned direction, screw my outline.

//  I don't want to write today, where did my motivation go?

// I wonder how Jenn is doing with her word count today. Oh look the site says she wrote some words last night, go  Jenn!

// I love this word tracker and graph why doesn't it work beyond November?

// Weekend writing shouldn't be a thing, I can't think about a story with two dogs, a man, a kid, and the TV blaring football.

// Look if I stay on pace I'll finish early, go me go.

// Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to NaNoWriMo in my life, maybe writing without the pressure is easier.

// I'm kicking NaNoWriMo ass bitches!

Are or have you attempting NaNoWritMo? What were some of your thoughts?

Conversations With Myself - Vo. 10

It's been a while since I've talked to myself, okay not really, I just haven't shared those thoughts with you in a while so I thought I would do so today.

// Why does school have to start so damn early, none of my jobs ever required me getting up this early. Even the fucking sun is still asleep.

// I've been sitting in this pick up line for 45 minutes and I was 5 minutes late getting here, give me my kid now!

// The bus beat us home, I live 5 minutes from the school this is so unacceptable on so many levels.

// I should take the beach way home from school drop off I bet there's less traffic. Ooooohhhh look at the foggy sun over the ocean (looks at clock). Wait I have time for a picture and a short walk before work, maybe getting up so early isn't all bad.

// It's really quiet here now that K is gone. How is it only lunch time? Time went much faster when I had a 5 year old co-worker. Hmmm  who would have guessed.

// Look at me being all productive, getting work done is so much easier without a 5 year old co-work. 

// Why does Tyson keep yelling at me from the living room when I'm on my work phone? I thought K going to school would stop that kind of shit. Guess my adult kid needs to fill in. *sigh*

// More people should know how to multi-task or I should forget. Who gets to work on one thing at a time anyway?

// Yayyyy it's Friday, this week was soooo sooo long. I can't wait for a three day weekend over Labor Day. Maybe I should make it four and then I could have a me day while the kid is in school. Hmmmm.

// I just heard a kid but my kid is in school, okay my house is fucking haunted. Okay you're hearing things....there it is again. I told you damn it the house is haunted!

What have you been talking to yourself about?

Conversations With Myself - Vol. 9

// Why is K still under the water am I going to have to save her ass during swim class? OMG she was doing that on purpose I'm so proud right now.

// I've been ready for bed all day and now I can't sleep, to bad I'm to lazy to get back up and be productive with this time.

// One day until my birthday month, someone should give me a present already.

// I cannot believe she said yes it might be an unorthodox method but if all goes according to plan I should own a home at the beach by next year. Holy fuck!

// I can't stop thinking about house stuff now, I'm going to get on my nerves soon better find a project to distract myself with.

// The rain didn't ruin my window, now I need to figure out what to paint on window 2.

// Tuesday's that start with free book emails kick ass, I knew my time was not wasted entering Goodreads giveaways.

// New metal trough flower beds, yes please!! Now I need some flowers.

// I should have set my Goodreads book goal higher, oh look I can edit it. Now I should stop wasting time surfing and get to reading.

// Less than a month until my sister comes for a beach vacation it better be nice that week, I really want some quality beach time.

// Could Dell make a crappier computer?

What did you talk to yourself about this week?

Kelli

Conversations With Myself - Vol. 8

Another week more conversations with a crazy person. Bonus conversation: Writing the intro for this post is tedious I should just skip it from now, the title is explanation enough right?

// I wonder how many other people can say their sister designed their next tattoo, now I've got to convince Tyson to get it for me for my birthday.

// Look Salem is outside off the leash all calm, oh shit the bitch next door let out the mangy barkers. (After dragging my dog in the house) Fucking bitches.

// Why does it have to be cold tonight, I want to keep my windows open. At least it warms right back up tomorrow.

// I really really really loved that book, really. I haven't read a book so good in a long time.

// There is no food, I hate feeding myself. You better take your ass somewhere and find dinner stop being a lazy bitch.

// Why doesn't my kid need more sleep? If I go to bed at 10:30 I don't want to get up at 7 AM why does she? Pre-fill her morning cup, pre-fill her morning cup, pre-fill her morning cup.

// I'm glad mom found two more step tables, I wonder if I can re-sell the one I just bought. I can make Tyson meet the Craigslist crazies that are interested.

// Why is this bitch giving me dirty looks we just met AND we're fucking adults. If we weren't I'd throat punch her. I haven't throat punched anyone in years, why is throat punching people illegal anyway some people need a good throat punch.

// Day and day on end of rain sucked but look how big my tomato plants got! Garden tomatoes are so much better than that tasteless shit you buy at the store.

//  You should really stop fucking off and get some work done, wait I need to look up _______.

// Oh I get the dirty look since it came after looking at me from head to toe. Look bitch I'd gain weight if I could being skinny isn't the fucking walk in the park you think it is. If you knew I looked this way because I'm in the hospital at least twice a year on a liquids only diet you'd change your fucking attitude. I hate judgy bitches like you. I should stop spending my time thinking about this bitch, I still want to throat punch her.

//  I wonder what Salem will destroy tonight when I leave, Oh look a banana, Little K's tooth brush, my beach bag, a ring box, some bath toys, and a big pile of shit. Is this solitary confinement over yet?

// I need more t-shirts, why can't they make them just a few inches longer? I don't want my belly to hang out if I raise my arms or if I don't, I'm to old for that shit.

Kelli

Conversations with Myself - Vol. Who Cares

I over scheduled myself this week and as a result I'm grumpy so this weeks' conversations with myself will probably sound bitchy. I'm here to tell you some weeks are just like that so why try to pretend they're not?

// Why is it so chilly on the beach today and where is the damn sun? It's supposed to be here.

// Hell week starts tomorrow, it's cool I've got a schedule I can do this.

// Why did I tell Tyson I would drive a dog and a kid across town at 6:45 AM?

// It smells like piss in this place, I'm glad this is the second to last visit.

// Fuck I didn't take a shower and I don't get a lunch break today. Okay fine fine some people take a 15 minute smoke breaks right? So I can take a 15 minute shower break.

// Right on schedule now if they give me Salem I can make it to swim class with time to spare!

// (20 minutes later) Seriously where is my fucking dog, why tell me to be here at 4 if he isn't ready at 4 I've got a schedule people!

// I thought Salem would lay down after getting his nuts cut, should have left K home this time too.

// The bridge is open, fuck fuck fuck we will officially miss the first swim class of the session thank you Humane Society and fucking swing bridge. SUCK IT!!!!

// My dog smells like the Humane Society which smells like piss BUT I can't give him a bath for 14 days NOR can I let him out of the house. You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!

// Last week I told myself I'd been doing so good lately rolling with life's punches and now this week I want to redecorate with a baseball bat and I don't even have PMS. This is bad.

// Reading resume's is probably one of my favorite parts of being a manager, can people really be this dumb? Someone should make a book.

// I forgot to take K's movies back to the library after karate so there's a late fee. Can I get back in bed until Saturday PLEASE?

// I'm going to cry in the corner before this week is over, you win life you win.

// Today is the last day your schedule is full, you. can. do this.

// But I don't wanna (imagines laying on floor and refusing like a kid).

Happy FINALLY Friday, have a great weekend!

Kelli

Conversations With Myself - Vol. 7

Happy Friday! In just a few short hours my favorite time oft he week will be here, 5 PM on Friday when the whole weekend is still in front of me. For now why not read the random ramblings of a crazy person.

// Apparently if I want my kid to be nice and quiet at home in the evenings I need to have 4 brothers for her to play with. Of course then I'd have one or two quiet kids and some other loud ones.

// I think my during new friend "interviews" I will always ask how a person feels about leggings as pants. If we can't agree there then I think we can't be friends.

// Five books to pick up at the library, I thought I fucking told you to stop requesting books.

// I'm glad people can't see the state of my bras, they would totally judge me. I think I'll get a couple new bras this weekend even if no one does see them.

// Why does my face look red in every selfie I take on my new phone? It's probably some new secret anti-selfie app pre-installed on my device to stop constant selfie takers.

// Some books should end with the girl telling the guy to suck it, that's how it's going to end in my head even if it didn't really end that way.

// I've got to start my early morning shopping trips again, I cannot deal with all these crazy ass tourists.

// I told him not to set that heavy plant on my awesome table, now I want to kick his ass because my fucking table is broke. Looks like I'm back on the hunt and he's paying.

// I'm responsible for dinner again, this isn't working out for me.

// Saturday swim class is full so instead I get to do three weeks of three day a week evening Little K classes. It's going to make me biiiitttcchhyyyy.

// My sister's coming in May must take days off and plan a beach "staycation"!! My first week off since I moved here!!

What did you converse with yourself about this week?

Kelli

Conversations With Myself - Vol. 6

Happy almost weekend, I've been waiting for this weekend since I gave away $80 for tickets in October of last year. Before I get to high school reunion fun lets talk about what I talked to myself about this week.

// I wonder if there is a small talk class someplace, I suck ass at small talk.

// Good to know she has capri panty showing pants not just the kind with regular length legs. I'm almost scared to see her shorts.

// It's a weird feeling to notice I'm happy these days but I love it, more people should do what they want with their lives.

// I cannot believe I pay $200 a month for cable and I haven't been able to watch TV all week. Hope they can fix it because I'm pushing Tyson for basic cable with a Hulu/Netflix supplement.

// I really want to go to the used book stores kid free and spend hours browsing, I must schedule this soon.

// Is it weird that the Oak tree outside my house looses its leaves in the spring? If it weren't for the palm trees and blooms I'd think it were fall.

// I need a planner, writing on this wall calendar is ridiculous and sloppy.

// I should wait to pick up that library book until I return from my weekend since it's only a 14 day checkout, nah I'm going to get it as soon as I can leave my desk at 5:30.

// Now that I filled my window frame picture frame with small pictures maybe I want one big one instead.

// Who thinks 4:30 to 5:30 conference calls are a good idea? My work day ends at 5 and I'm ready to "leave".

// You kids needs to go potty take her to the fucking bathroom, if it wasn't inappropriate I would do it myself.

What did you talk about this week?

Kelli