Whipser of Doubt vs. The Voice of Dreams

If you've been around here any amount of time you know I'm a dream chaser, the funny thing about dreams though is you don't stop having them once you've caught what you thought was the dream. One day you're happily living the first dream you chased down when you realize you have more dreams and while you're not at all unhappy with the first dream you can't really see any reason to stop chasing dreams now. After all, some of us know you can catch a dream.

Recently I've been dream chasing again and as with all dream chasing, I had my doubts at first. Even now after I've just reached my first "mini win" the voice of doubt can still be heard whispering.

"Why rock the boat, you've already got a good thing going?" 

"What if you fail?"

"What if you succeed?"

"Introverts aren't meant to be dream chasers."

"Can this really work?"

I'm not going to lie some days this voice wins and I stop dream chasing but then nighttime comes and the voice of dreams says.

"There's no harm in trying."

"You'll regret it if you don't."

"Imagine what life could be if caught this dream, look I'll show you!"

As a dreamer, I'll admit I have half-realized ideas littered throughout my past. Things that excited me for a brief moment before I realized maybe the whisper of doubt was on to something. Things I wasn't willing to put in the work for because, work, yuck. This time feels different I feel like I'm ready to do the work and despite the whisper of doubt, the voice of dreams and I have been killing it. We're motivated and moving forward giving the middle finger to the whisper of doubt we've left in the dust.

It feels good, so good I want to give a platform to the voice of dreams. The voice that says:

"You can do it!"

"The time is now."

"Don't give up."

"Screw whisper of doubt he has no idea what he's talking about."

I'm talking to you and so is the voice of dreams, because some dreams are worth the work.

Are you listening to the voice of dreams or the whisper of doubt?

Struggling With Gratitude

Lately I've been struggling with Gratitude, something that's supposed to make me happy has been having the opposite effect.

If you've been around here any amount of time you know I've read happiness books, happiness studies, and happiness websites until happiness information was coming out my ears. With all the information I had at hand I picked a few happiness practices that worked for me and developed somewhat of a routine. One of my happiness practices was listing three things I'm grateful for at the end of each day, this practice isn't unique to me, some of you practice gratitude daily too which is what brought me to this forum for discussion.

The first thing I've noticed lately when I do my gratitude practices is that I feel like I'm saying hey universe look at all this awesome shit I've got going on in my life come take it away. I'm not usually superstitious but all the sudden I feel like mentioning anything in my daily gratitude meditations is putting an immediate jinx on it. I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, but my mind keeps telling me that's what's going to happen no matter how many times I tell that crazy bitch to shutty.

Second I've noticed I feel selfish and like a braggart when I list all the things in my life I'm thankful for, I'm not sure who I think I'm bragging too but the feeling persists. I've gone as far as trying to edit my gratitude meditations to things that almost everyone has so that I don't feel like I'm trying to one up the imaginary people who live in my head.

Last it's hard for me to be grateful when I'm feeling sad, it's a feeling of not deserving to be happy about the good things because it takes away from events that are supposed to bring sadness. Even as I type it I don't understand it but it's there, the guilt about being grateful when I'm also feeling sad.

So today I'm asking for your help fellow practitioners of gratitude, have you ever felt any of these things during your practice and if so how did you overcome them?

Every Woman Should

// Know how to change a tire.

// Own a little black dress that makes her feel fabulous.

// Know how to live on her own, not with her parents or a with a partner but by herself.

// Have one go to meal she can make well.

// Keep her old friends but make new one's too, your childhood friends will always be your friends but as you get older life will take you down different paths. It never hurts to make new friends that can walk with you for a while along your life path.

// Find that one brand of jeans that makes her ass look killer every. single. time. she puts them on.

// Not let the fact she is a mother, wife, daughter, or WOMAN stop her from doing anything.

// Have a back up plan for your back up plan, the fairy tale you imagined is likely to take a wrong turn somewhere be prepared for it.

// Play, dance, or walk in the rain.

// Be able to choose without pressure or guilt whether marriage and children are for her or not.

// Know that you don’t have to have a partner to make your life full, complete, or happy.

// Learn that your heart and your head won’t always agree, find a healthy compromise between the two when you can. 

// Make “me time”, it doesn’t matter what you do with it as long as you are enjoying yourself. 

What would you add to this list?

Catching The Dream

Everyone talks about chasing the dream but how do you catch the dream? A couple of years ago my dream was to live t the beach someday. I decided someday should be now, life is way too short to wait right? I made a decision and a month or so later I was done chasing the dream, I was living it.

I know most people won't catch their dream in 30 days, but there are things you can do right now to prepare to live your dream.

Define Your Dream - Is your dream to live in a certain place or maybe it's to have a certain job? When I first started dreaming of moving to the beach I had the Wilmington, NC area in mind, that's not where I ended up. Flexibility is key when defining your dream. You're probably never going to end up with exactly what you picture in your head so decide what variation(s) of your dream is acceptable and be ready to compromise.

Research - If your dream is to live in a certain place start researching that area. How much is rent? Are their specific neighborhoods you want to live in or avoid? What kind of work is available in the area? Visit the location a few times to get a feel for the area. If your dream is to obtain a certain job research what qualifications you need to apply. What is the application process? Can you find someone who already holds that position that's willing to give you some tips? (LinkedIn is a great place to start) Will applying for this job require relocation? If so see the questions above.

Plan - Save the money, gather the application information, etc. Do the ground work that needs to be done to make the dream a possibility. Will you need to rent a moving truck or hire movers? Price it out. Do you need written recommendations or references? Ask for them. Figure out what you need and are willing to do to make this dream a reality.

Execute - Find a job in your dream city and make that move. Get your application filled out and submitted for your dream job. You've done all the ground work and you're ready to execute. Catching the dream isn't easy it takes hard work and persistence.

Stop Making Excuses - At some point a dream is either just a dream or something you are going to make a reality. Stop waiting for the retirement, the perfect job, the time to be just right, or more experience. Eventually you'll have waited longer than time will allow. It's never to early too live the life you dream of!

Kid Related Happiness

Last week I wrote a post about what happiness was to me, conspicuously absent were things to do with Little K other than one that was really about reading. I started to add things about Little K that made me happy, I realized what makes me happy is that I like who she is as a person right now.

I could write that in a post and you'd be like all oh good for you whatever. Fine for you but there's more to it for me than that.

It makes me happy that she cares about the environment, she'll calls someone out in a second for littering. Young or old no one is off limits. She asks intelligent questions related to the Earth and our environment and she listens and cares about the answers.

It makes me happy that she recently started watching more grown up shows on the Disney Channel. She still watches animated shows but lately she's added things like Jessie and Dog With A Blog (shows with non-animated characters all you non parent people who are not forced to watch the Disney channel). Is it weird this makes me happy? Maybe. It's not a milestone moment but still mark on life's chart that she's growing up.

It makes me happy she is counting down the time until she starts school. Days are still measured in sleeps for her right now and months mean little other than it's time to change the calendar. She knows that it's "3 more calendars until school starts". (June, July, and August). She's going to be the kid that walks away with no tears and comes home with a bunch of new friends.

It makes me happy that she's outgoing and friendly in social situations. While I have a love/hate relationship with tourists she never has a problem finding a friend at the beach. She makes a new friend each new session of swim class and she never lacks for anyone to chat with at karate. Don't get me wrong she has her moments of bratiness but some things you can't teach without the help of siblings or same age friends.

It makes me happy that she challenges the rules sometimes (sometimes it just pisses me off). Some rules need to be challenged, a few months ago she was adamant she was old enough to cross through parking lots and cross to the stores with no hand holding. After thinking about it and watching her do it a couple of times she was right, but I would have kept holding her hand out of habit had she not pointed out to me the rule was silly for her.

There are a million other little things that make me happy with who she is as a person. Raising a good kid isn't an easy job but so far I think I'm holding my own.

How I Got Happy

If you followed along with Beachy Soup (I should have named this blog Beachy Soup) you know that I was on a mission to find happiness. Well I've found happy and I thought I would share with you how but before I do let me give you non-Beachy Soup readers (if there are any) a brief summary.

Before living this beach life I toiled away miserably at the same company for 12 years. I had many different titles and many different duties which allowed me to learn a ton of different things, but the company in general was a miserable place to work. Then I got sick and couldn't stop being sick after spending 7 days in the hospital, then ordered to take another 3 weeks off not paid, and being diagnosed with ulcers in my stomach, small intestines, and esophagus I decided it was time for a change. While it is supposed to be a myth that stress and misery are causes of ulcers it is not a myth that stress and misery are causes poor health in general. So I packed our life up in a big yellow Penske truck and moved to the beach.

Not long after I arrived I won a blog giveaway for a copy of the book The Happiness Project. After procrastinating I finally finished the book and I'm so glad I did, it was a game changer for me. I'd never been what I considered a happy person, even after leaving my miserable former life and arriving at the beach I wasn't completely happy. I'd never considered there were ways to be happier than I was. Never considered there were ways to calm my short temper and change my overall outlook on life.

I did what any good student of life does, I researched the shit out of "happiness science". Then I picked some scientifically proven tools to increase my happiness and I tried them. Not all of them worked for me but the one's that did made a big difference in my attitude and my internal feelings of happiness for at least 3 weeks out of the month. I'm not sure there is any help for my attitude during that 4th week. Below are the tools that worked for me:

// Daily Gratitude Journal - Sometime around October I started writing down three things at the end of the day I was was grateful for during that day. Sometime around November I stopped writing them but I still actively thought about 3 things from my day I was grateful for every night. I'm back to documenting them in writing just because I like to write in a journal daily. Research has shown being grateful leads to being happier in general and I agree.

// Meditation - I always thought of meditation as some hokey hippy shit that I would never understand. However in my happy science related research meditation and its benefits were mentioned often. Happiness is just one of the MANY benefits of meditation so I decided to give it a try. I tried a few different methods before I settled on guided mindful meditations. While the guided voices are still a little hokey and hippy in my mind they help me stay focused better than silent meditation which my brain takes as a cue to go wild with thought.

// Be Less Judgy - So you want to wear your bikini to Walmart with your ass hanging out? Good for you why do I care. I'm going to look at you and probably even shake my head but I won't rant about you to Tyson or my sister later. Giving your kid a cupcake for breakfast, good for you maybe you kid did something special to earn it maybe he didn't why do I fucking care it's your kid. The old me would have silently judged you for a sugar heavy breakfast but really it's not for me to judge or worry about. Being less judgy not only makes me happier it feels good! Don't get me wrong I'm still judgy about some shit (I'm looking at you lady in swim class who changes her kids by the pool and not in the locker room).

// Mindfulness - The practice of paying attention to the present sounds, smells, sight, feels, tastes and not thinking about tomorrows play date or yesterday's doctor's appointment. Every so often throughout the day I bring myself back to the present and really pay attention to what all five of my senses are telling me about right now. It's amazing how this simple act can bring a peace and happiness, how is this possible hell if I know but it's so easy I'll keep doing it.

// Made Some Friends - Research has shown that close personal connections with non-family members is a huge part of happiness and health. It never occurred to me that I should actively seek out people to be friends with until about a year after I moved and started working from home. Before the move I'd always been in a school or work setting where there were plenty of people with which to make friends.  Now I have a couple of ladies with kids that I have play dates and adult female only dates with. I didn't realize how much I'd been missing that friendship connection until I found it again, now every time I leave the house I'm on the lookout for potential new friends.

Happiness is work and it's up to me to ensure I'm putting in the work so I can reap the rewards. What tools do you use to make yourself a happier person?

Kelli