They say kids are blind to race and don't notice the differences until someone points them out, I'm here to tell you that's not entirely true. My daughter noticed early on that mommy and daddy were different colors and that her color didn't match either of ours. How to explain this to a two year old I wondered? So I told her she was swirl, you know like the yummy vanilla chocolate ice cream?
When I signed her up for school I thought to myself I should probably tell her that the school system and most of the people of the world will probably consider her and her skin black. When I told her she got MAD, she yelled that she was not black she was swirl. So I told her she was white, again she got MAD yelling that she was swirl. Instead of making her mad I decided to let her continue thinking she is swirl, after all she really isn't black or white and if she's happy with swirl as her racial identity why should I challenge her belief? The questions remains though, how do I as a white parent prepare my child to be a black woman? I can show her how to be a strong woman, an independent woman, even a business woman but I cannot show her how to handle being a black woman.
Sure I can teach her about her history and I can teach her that racism still exists in this world but I can't teach what it is to experience racism. How do I as a white woman teach my little girl to be careful around other white people because some of them aren't very nice? How do I teach her how she should behave as a black person being pulled over or questioned by a police officer would behave because although no one likes to acknowledge it, it's entirely possible she will be treated differently because of her skin color in this situation. I'm scared for her and mad that the hate filled hearts of others put me in this position.
This of all the things in the world is what I am concerned about the most when it comes to raising my child. This concern was enhanced by the school paperwork I filled out during registration. I had to choose her "primary" race, its okay though because they gave me the option to pick a "secondary" race for her. When in reality I wanted to check other and fill in the little blank explanation line with the word human.
I feel lucky that at this point she is still not old enough to ask questions about what happened in Charleston last week for the answers I have would be drastically inadequate. Someday though she will be old enough and she will ask questions when some hate monger spreads his or her vile beliefs in a violent way. I hope by then I have some answers for her because right now all I have are questions.
I really dislike that this is still in this age even a problem. We can't bury our heads in the sand though because the news slaps us in the face with the hate that people still have in their hearts. I think you have to do what is best for her, and if swirl works for her now, then let it be so. Hope the world gets a little kinder and a little less ignorant by the time she gets older.
ReplyDeleteI never thought of the challenges of raising an interracial child. While I am half-Mexican, since I don't look it, no one knows and it has never been a part of my identity. I think it's amazing that you are already raising her to be strong and confident in her racial identity (and "swirl" is a great way to put it) and hopefully, as she gets older and realizes that society is going to make her pick a box on paper to check, she will keep the same convictions about who she is. In the meantime, hopefully T's family has some ladies who can fill in the few gaps when you need help. I think your partnership alone speaks volumes in teaching her to love people for who they are and not to judge them based on what they look like.
ReplyDeleteMy sister's husband (married just 3 weeks ago) is black, so I imagine she'll have a lot of the same questions that you do. Honestly, I don't know if they've even thought about this yet, but it will be interesting to see how they handle it. My goddaughter is half latino, and I don't know if she's actually thought about what race she identifies as. I know she wanted a doll that looked like her and was frustrated that they couldn't find one, and she can definitely tell the difference between the black barbie dolls and herself, but that's really the only time I remember her mother talking about race coming up at all.
ReplyDeleteWhy the fuck are we even indicating what race we are on forms anymore? I don't understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd you go little K. You are a swirl, a special snowflake of your own volition. That's how it should be. We're all unique in our hearts and minds and souls no matter what we look like on the exterior.
This enrages me that this is still a thing and that you and other parents have to deal with it.
I am with Stephanie, why are we even checking a race box on paper work? What does it matter??? I get on medical forms filling out your sex and birth date because that could change procedures/medications needed or what not. But why does it matter if I am white, black, purple or green? I love that you said she is swirl. Why isn't that an option to pick? Aren't we all swirl anyways?
ReplyDeleteUnless you need help because your primary language is not English, your race is irrelevant to anyone but a medical doctor. I am plain whitebread, but was raised Mormon in a strongly religious community that hated us. It is not the same, but still a daily torment and hatred from other kids. My parent just never let there be doubt that I should be proud of who I am and do my best, and if people were rude that I should feel sorry for their small-mindedness. Hate crimes make my blood boil, and I am always surprised and saddened that a young person was taught to hate so strongly without even experiencing the racial change in this country over the last century. Good luck lady!
ReplyDeleteI am sad with you, even if my children are of a single race, because they are non-white and may face racism or prejudices from others as well. Though I am certain they will not be the same judgements placed on blacks in America. I'm really really really hoping that our children change the face of race in America. Perhaps they can form a future where race is something to be proud of, where differences are embraced. Where people are measured by their actions, accomplishments, and character.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be and the worries you have for her in the future. But I think you're doing an amazing job and I love that she's so confident and happy with who she is and hopefully that will carry over into adulthood (I'm sure it will). That, my friend, means you are a wonderful mom.
ReplyDeleteI do not understand why the schools need that information. It's irrelevant to giving them an education. And "secondary" race would have infuriated me.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. As I've told you, I have a number of friends with interracial children and I've been wondering about your thoughts in light of some current events.