Lately I've been struggling with Gratitude, something that's supposed to make me happy has been having the opposite effect.
If you've been around here any amount of time you know I've read happiness books, happiness studies, and happiness websites until happiness information was coming out my ears. With all the information I had at hand I picked a few happiness practices that worked for me and developed somewhat of a routine. One of my happiness practices was listing three things I'm grateful for at the end of each day, this practice isn't unique to me, some of you practice gratitude daily too which is what brought me to this forum for discussion.
The first thing I've noticed lately when I do my gratitude practices is that I feel like I'm saying hey universe look at all this awesome shit I've got going on in my life come take it away. I'm not usually superstitious but all the sudden I feel like mentioning anything in my daily gratitude meditations is putting an immediate jinx on it. I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, but my mind keeps telling me that's what's going to happen no matter how many times I tell that crazy bitch to shutty.
Second I've noticed I feel selfish and like a braggart when I list all the things in my life I'm thankful for, I'm not sure who I think I'm bragging too but the feeling persists. I've gone as far as trying to edit my gratitude meditations to things that almost everyone has so that I don't feel like I'm trying to one up the imaginary people who live in my head.
Last it's hard for me to be grateful when I'm feeling sad, it's a feeling of not deserving to be happy about the good things because it takes away from events that are supposed to bring sadness. Even as I type it I don't understand it but it's there, the guilt about being grateful when I'm also feeling sad.
So today I'm asking for your help fellow practitioners of gratitude, have you ever felt any of these things during your practice and if so how did you overcome them?
we should totally be grateful because of all the shit that's going on in this world. the first few syrian refugees have landed in canada - a foreign place, they have nothing but the clothes on their back, fleeing a war-torn country and having to leave some dear loved ones behind to come to a place where they don't know the language, customs, people, and they must be fucking terrified. i think of those people and then think about how lucky we are, of what we have, of where we are, of what we do.
ReplyDeletepracticing gratitude doesn't have to be verbal. doing lists helps remind us of what we are grateful but if it no longer makes you happy (and makes you superstitious), then don't do that anymore. there are plenty of ways to show gratitude; you can always show how grateful you are by helping others, by teaching K how to be grateful, by teaching her how to be empathetic to those around her, by giving back to the community...this is how i show i'm grateful - by helping those around me :)
I think being grateful and happy for the things you have is not bragging at all, especially since it is just for you. There are plenty of people who have less and can still be grateful. I don't think you should censor yourself, because in the end it is about grateful for what you have big and small.
ReplyDeleteThat sucks. I think the most important thing is to validate your own feelings. Like if you feel guilty, figure out why and DON'T feel guilty about feeling guilty, because that's a huge negative spiral. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel and there's nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to do about the first 2. Maybe for the 2nd, just tell yourself it's ok to brag? It's like when I'm alone and I call myself hot stuff in front of the mirror. It's absurd and arrogant, but as long as I don't do it in front of people, it doesn't hurt anyone or anything and I'm not crossing the line into assholery. The 3rd I find interesting and I'm curious - are the sad things like general world stuff that you feel guilty because you're not giving due emotion to it, or is it personal things? Because if it's world stuff, then I'd argue that the magnitude of what other people face should be the amount we feel gratitude for, because we're so incredibly lucky and if we don't appreciate what we have, then we're not recognizing their struggle and their lack. But if it's personal things then maybe you just need to feel sad for a while. It's perfectly healthy to be sad sometimes.
I hope any of that is helpful! And I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about.
I don't think it's bragging to be grateful, but I understand how you feel. I always try to be thankful for what I have, and it makes me realize how lucky I am especially when I see people less fortunate than myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't think feeling grateful is bragging at all. It's okay to be thankful for the good things in your life because right now, at this moment, things are really good for you. A lot of people can't say that. And, if you're worried about feeling like you're showing off, don't write it down. Don't share it. Keep that gratitude between you and your mind. Feeling grateful doesn't have to be a public declaration; it's simply acknowledging that you're thankful for what you have.
ReplyDeleteI was going to write what everyone else has. That you shouldn't feel like you are bragging or feel guilt for being grateful for the good things in your life. We all have ups and downs and good and bad. Without the bad things we cant appreciate the good. I would agree and just not write it down. If you are altering what you are writing, it defeats the purpose and you cant be true to yourself through the exercise.
ReplyDeleteBeing grateful is completely different from bragging... tell those voices to shut the hell up. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen you're sad, it's the BEST time to try to think of things you're grateful for. It doesn't make the bad stuff less worse, but, it does help me realize that not everything is complete shit.
This made me sad to read. You deserve ALL of your blessings 1000% - DO NOT FORGET THAT! And don't let those negative thoughts get to you. They're not true no matter how convincing or logical they may sound. Being thankful and grateful is only going to multiply what you're already grateful for. It's like the saying when you're down or feeling less than, give to someone else. Sure it's for them, but it's also for you because it picks you up. xo
ReplyDelete1) This is totally irrational, but the feeling has to stem from somewhere! Investigate why you are so scared/worried to lose things you are happy to have.
ReplyDelete2) I think listing things every day is kind of a stepping stone to feeling deep gratitude in your everyday life. Maybe you are past this point, or maybe it is too simple now that you are an experienced practicer of gratitude! Try to dig deeper?
3) Sad and grateful are not mutually exclusive. Sadness is necessary sometimes, but using gratitude as a way to hone in on the solace you require is a tool in your arsenal! Plus then you can find little pinpricks of joy in delicious sour cream drop cookies or a good book, and just use that as a respite from the sad things so you can come out the other side stronger and guilt free.
i used to struggle with this, i kept trying to make those lists and then i realised it just didn't work for me. it's weird, hard to explain, but if it's not making you happy, you simply have to stop. but also, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be grateful for everything you have and love, regardless of the sadness in the world. feeling guilty about being thankful won't stop those things happening, you know? sometimes i have to be a little selfish and remind myself it's all relative.. i am thankful for a roof over my head because there was a time in my life i didn't have that, someone else might be thankful for their new fancy car whereas if i had that i'd sell it to pay off that roof over my head lol. everyone is different. there will always be someone better off or worse than you, so regardless of which way you compare, you'll never come out on top, you know? anyway, i feel like i am talking in circles and rambling and not making any sense, but bottom line, don't you be feeling guilty!
ReplyDeleteI think being grateful and happy for the things you have is not bragging at all, especially since it is just for you. There are plenty of people who have less and can still be grateful. I don't think you should censor yourself, because in the end it is about grateful for what you have big and small. short guided meditation script
ReplyDelete