I've been thinking about the past some lately which is evident by my post about Small Town Fun on Monday. I'm not exactly sure what's prompted this journey down memory lane, maybe it's the fact my little girl is starting school next week and school no doubt are some of the best years of your life. Maybe it's the fact that one of my oldest and dearest friends is going through some shit right now and I wish I could be there for her like I was when we were in high school.
Whatever the reason my journey lead me to an auto biography I was assigned to write during my senior year in high school. I was shocked and surprised at the vulnerability and honesty high school me displayed in her writing. Adult me wouldn't dare say some of those things to anyone let alone a teacher who is a virtual stranger.
Reading the auto biography of Kelli must have broken my teachers heart, reading what I wrote then broke my own heart. That being said I am proud of high school Kelli, she wrote with optimism and hope that I didn't think she had then while telling her story of pain. She spoke of getting past tough times and hurt with wisdom she lost someplace in her twenties before finding it again somewhere in her 30's.
I'm also proud of myself for getting through all that shit, it's something I don't give a lot of thought to now but at one point in my life or more I was the product of divorce, the victim of abuse, and a not very well liked person in high school because I chose rebellion and being different over popularity and fitting in. I've moved so far beyond all that pain it was hard to remember it until I read it in my words.
I'm glad I can look back now and see how far I've come, it only took 20 years to get here.
I have felt the same way when I've read old journals. Everything was written so raw... reading it can really take you right back.
ReplyDeleteI find the same in my old writings - so willing to be vulnerable but hopeful.
ReplyDeleteIt's so cool that you kept that to look back on, though. I bet yours was one of the few raw assignments that the teacher got. And how cool that you are now able to see the journey and all the stops that got you where you are now.
ReplyDeleteI have looked back over some of the things I wrote in high school and early college, and it was mostly innocent, raw and vulnerable too. Crazy how much we change and heal over the years.
ReplyDeletei wish i had written more things in high school so i could look back on it. i was so unpopular, not because of being different out of my own choice, people just didn't like me lol. i had lots of other shit going on and i was such a debbie downer about it all. sometimes i can't believe high school me and now me are the same people.
ReplyDeleteI remember writing a personal essay my Senior year about my life. I'm like you...I was very raw and honest back then. Now, I wouldn't dare open up like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got through it! It is kind of funny (and not in the ha ha way) how we put up more and more filters as we get older. I used to tell my friends absolutely everything and now... well, there's quite a few things that just don't need to be discussed.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome that you have that. I'd love to look back at what was going through my head and heart in high school. It's also awesome that your proud of who you've become. We change so much in young adulthood; it's crazy to think back to high school and who we were then.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you can look back on everything and be proud of where you are now. It's also amazing how optimistic we can be when we're younger despite the worst circumstances.
ReplyDeleteit's definitely interesting to look back on our pasts and see how far we've come. glad that you've been able to get past some not so great situations in your past.
ReplyDeleteIts so funny reading old things I wrote. I think its a good thing though to look back and see how far we've come.
ReplyDeleteCheers to looking back and realizing that you've overcome, moved forward, and are in a better place!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you had to go through so much. It is good that you can look back on it and find peace with it.
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