Unwritten Beach Rules

If you've visited a beach lately you've probably either rented accommodations that provided printed beach rules or used a public access where the rules were printed on a sign. What about the rules they don't print, the one's that keep you from looking like an ass monkey on the beach? I've written them down for you, may I suggest you print them and leave them in your next beach rental. If we spread the word we'll all have to deal with less ass monkeys on our vacations!

// Don't Feed The Birds - I have posted this on almost every social media outlet and on my old blog but it bears repeating.  In short flying birds shit and hovering birds are more likely to shit on someone. Don't be the cause of someone getting shat on, just don't.

// Leave Some Space - Unless the beach is so crowded you can't find anywhere else to sit don't sit closer than 3-5 feet away. If I could easily participate in your conversations or read the chapter of your book over your shoulder you're too close. I get that there are times we're all going to have to be friends but it isn't every day so stay away.

// Watch Your Kids - Every year I see a kid running down the beach crying and looking for his parents. The longshore current can be strong even in water a few inches deep, before you know it your kid has been pushed out of your line of vision. As a side note also make sure they know what to do if lost, Little K knows on our beach she should find the nearest lifeguard if she loses me.

// If You MUST Smoke - Stand in front of (NOT on) the dunes at the very back of the beach so the wind carries your smoke away from other beach goers. Don't throw your butts on the beach OR even worse bury them in the sand. Put your cigarette out and take the butt to the nearest trash can usually located less than 10 feet away.

// Umbrellas To The Back - If you have an umbrella don't set up in front of the tide line. First of all you're blocking someone's view and second the chances are good you're going to have to pull it up and move it back as the tide comes in later.

// Check Your Tide Chart - Is the tide going out or coming in when you plan on being there? Should you set your stuff up as far back as possible so you don't have to move it over and over or should you set up closer to the waves because if you don't it'll feel like a mile away and a million people in between you and the ocean later.

// Check The Rip Tide Forecast - This is especially helpful at beaches without lifeguards and flags to warn you about ocean conditions. You don't want to swim in the ocean if the rip tide risk is high, getting drug out to sea could put a real damper on your vacation.

// Don't Litter - It's sad that I have to tell grown ass people not to litter and it probably is written somewhere but having adopted a beach access it's clear to me someone needs to say it again. I get the occasional dropped shirt or candy wrapper but the last time we cleaned our access I cleaned up someone's empty birth control pill packet. If you're old enough to have sex you're damn sure old enough to clean up you trash.