Before living this beach life I toiled away miserably at the same company for 12 years. I had many different titles and many different duties which allowed me to learn a ton of different things, but the company in general was a miserable place to work. Then I got sick and couldn't stop being sick after spending 7 days in the hospital, then ordered to take another 3 weeks off not paid, and being diagnosed with ulcers in my stomach, small intestines, and esophagus I decided it was time for a change. While it is supposed to be a myth that stress and misery are causes of ulcers it is not a myth that stress and misery are causes poor health in general. So I packed our life up in a big yellow Penske truck and moved to the beach.
Not long after I arrived I won a blog giveaway for a copy of the book The Happiness Project. After procrastinating I finally finished the book and I'm so glad I did, it was a game changer for me. I'd never been what I considered a happy person, even after leaving my miserable former life and arriving at the beach I wasn't completely happy. I'd never considered there were ways to be happier than I was. Never considered there were ways to calm my short temper and change my overall outlook on life.
I did what any good student of life does, I researched the shit out of "happiness science". Then I picked some scientifically proven tools to increase my happiness and I tried them. Not all of them worked for me but the one's that did made a big difference in my attitude and my internal feelings of happiness for at least 3 weeks out of the month. I'm not sure there is any help for my attitude during that 4th week. Below are the tools that worked for me:
// Daily Gratitude Journal - Sometime around October I started writing down three things at the end of the day I was was grateful for during that day. Sometime around November I stopped writing them but I still actively thought about 3 things from my day I was grateful for every night. I'm back to documenting them in writing just because I like to write in a journal daily. Research has shown being grateful leads to being happier in general and I agree.
// Meditation - I always thought of meditation as some hokey hippy shit that I would never understand. However in my happy science related research meditation and its benefits were mentioned often. Happiness is just one of the MANY benefits of meditation so I decided to give it a try. I tried a few different methods before I settled on guided mindful meditations. While the guided voices are still a little hokey and hippy in my mind they help me stay focused better than silent meditation which my brain takes as a cue to go wild with thought.
// Be Less Judgy - So you want to wear your bikini to Walmart with your ass hanging out? Good for you why do I care. I'm going to look at you and probably even shake my head but I won't rant about you to Tyson or my sister later. Giving your kid a cupcake for breakfast, good for you maybe you kid did something special to earn it maybe he didn't why do I fucking care it's your kid. The old me would have silently judged you for a sugar heavy breakfast but really it's not for me to judge or worry about. Being less judgy not only makes me happier it feels good! Don't get me wrong I'm still judgy about some shit (I'm looking at you lady in swim class who changes her kids by the pool and not in the locker room).
// Mindfulness - The practice of paying attention to the present sounds, smells, sight, feels, tastes and not thinking about tomorrows play date or yesterday's doctor's appointment. Every so often throughout the day I bring myself back to the present and really pay attention to what all five of my senses are telling me about right now. It's amazing how this simple act can bring a peace and happiness, how is this possible hell if I know but it's so easy I'll keep doing it.
// Made Some Friends - Research has shown that close personal connections with non-family members is a huge part of happiness and health. It never occurred to me that I should actively seek out people to be friends with until about a year after I moved and started working from home. Before the move I'd always been in a school or work setting where there were plenty of people with which to make friends. Now I have a couple of ladies with kids that I have play dates and adult female only dates with. I didn't realize how much I'd been missing that friendship connection until I found it again, now every time I leave the house I'm on the lookout for potential new friends.
Happiness is work and it's up to me to ensure I'm putting in the work so I can reap the rewards. What tools do you use to make yourself a happier person?
Kelli
Love this post!
ReplyDeleteI try to be present and to be grateful and really mindful of centering myself every day.
Gratitude journals really can make a HUGE difference. I'm a firm believer that even on the worst of days, there is always something to be thankful for! :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! I think living on the present really helps. I know when I am really feeling stressed walking it off and really thinking it through helps me from getting upset over something that isn't going to matter later.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! I'm so glad you took on this project and that you've been so successful at it. I still do the meditation thing every few days, but I think mindfulness is a much better way of explaining the change I've felt since learning more about it. When thoughts of the future become too stressful, I'm more able to push them away and just focus on the here and now. Oh, and the less judgy one is a great point! I definitely feel worse about myself when I'm making snide comments about other people, or thinking negative things. I really want to conquer my driving anger, because all that negativity is harming no one but myself so it doesn't really matter if people are being assholes. Justified or not, that anger only pulls me down.
ReplyDeletegiving no fucks; that's how i am happy. people will do what they want and as long as it doesn't impact me (which it hardly does), then i just look the other way and go on with my life.
ReplyDeletelove this post!
Yay for finding happiness! It's definitely not something that just falls into people's laps. You gotta work for it, just like everything else in life. I like the one about not being judgy since we are in a very public and judgy time of our lives (in my opinion). I try not to stereotype or generalize and hope I can teach my kids the same values. You really are more happy when you focus on yourself and not compare or be negative toward other people.
ReplyDeleteI love this post!! Every night I try and think of one thing I am grateful for, and I have definitely tried to be less judgy and less bitchy because it makes me happier. I am not naturally a happy or a positive person, but I can be when I work on it!
ReplyDeleteIf only people could follow through and do this, the world could be just a bit better. I think for me in light of all the shit in the past few years, I always make the most of the shit situations. There's nothing I can do to necessarily control the shit situations, but I CAN control how I reaact and deal with them. Great post, Kel! <3 So happy youve found happiness!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I'm not particularly happy right now but I know it's circumstantial and I'm using some of these (like having friends and keeping a gratitude journal) to get back to happy.
ReplyDelete