Wednesday, March 9, 2016

A Different Kind Of Confession



Usually on Wednesday's I confess things like, I stopped shaving under my arms and I don't care if people think that it's gross. That is a true confession but not the kind I'm going to talk to you about today. Today I'm going to confess that unbeknownst to me until I recently I have social anxiety.

Let's start at the beginning shall we? If you've read here any amount of time you know that I don't do a lot of traveling, just the thought of traveling brings me a huge amount of stress and anxiety. I wasn't always this way but as I got older I'd get sick every time I decided to travel, and by travel I mean a trip to my mom's house 4 hours away could make me feel anxious and stressed.

It's crazy, I know it's crazy but I can't fix it. I've tried to tell myself to stop being an idiot and just get over it. I'm almost 39 freaking years old after all, how can the thought of leaving my house overnight make me feel like puking?

Over Christmas, I was talking to a relative who is a CNP about my travel anxiety, and she said well do you get anxious any other time you leave your house. My answer was well not really, there are a lot of times I think to myself why did you make those plans? Staying home would be much preferred to leaving; then I would answer myself with, you know you'll have a good time once you get there so move your ass bitch. She said that sounds like social anxiety and asked if I'd ever had a panic attack. At first, I said no but as I started thinking about it I remember the pier incident from last summer. I described it to her and she confirmed that it was a panic attack. At the end of our visit, she recommended an anti-anxiety medication that is taken twice daily. I was skeptical but was willing to give it a try.

I've been taking anti-anxiety pills twice a day (most of the time) now since the middle of January and I notice a huge difference in my day to day anxiety levels. I now look forward to leaving the house when I make plans, no more forcing myself out the door. It's refreshing not to have to convince myself something I want to do is going to be fun.

I still noticed my anxiety level was through the roof when driving to Lego Kidsfest, and my appetite was gone (I don't stress eat, I stress don't eat). I felt fine once I arrived at the convention center and later at my mom's house, I even had lunch with an old friend anxiety free. I still need to work on the actual travel part of travel, just sitting here typing about it makes me feel anxious (yup I'm a wack job). I look forward to making more progress as I take more successful away from home trips. Maybe I can even get to Europe before my sister moves home!

Do you have social or travel anxiety? How do you deal with it?

More Coffee Less Talky

10 comments:

  1. you are not a wack job! i used to be a bit like this and had to take anti anxiety meds as well, but i was younger and i think i either grew out of it, accepted it, or moved past it. i always try and tell myself i will have a good time when i go, whether it is travel or to a friends house. actually, convincing myself to leave my house and do something locally is harder than convincing myself to travel to a new city, how's that for wack job?! just kidding. i'm glad the meds are working for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad you found something that works for you. This is interesting to me. I used to be really social and outgoing and lately, I have felt insecure to the point of dreading new situations with new people - like they are all going to look at me and judge me, my clothes aren't right, my hair isn't right, things like that, to the point I don't want to attend them! Similar but different. I always chalked it up to being ridiculous but I would feel better, honestly, if it was diagnosed as a thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anxiety sucks! I don't think I have social or travel, just general anxiety, but I definitely understand wanting to stay in more often than going out. I'm happy for you that you found a medicine that makes a difference!

    ReplyDelete
  4. anxiety is awful and crippling. i went through a long, hard bout of it when i had awful PPD. glad you found something that works for you and you're NOT a wackjob!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are you seeing a therapist? That might help with the massive travel anxiety.

    Also, you are not whacko. Anxiety is a very real disorder that many, many people suffer from. Including me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. When I was younger, I hated spending the night at other people's houses. My friends probably thought my parents were mean because I would usually say that they wouldn't let me instead of the truth...that I didn't want to leave home. I would start worrying that something would happen to my family if I wasn't there or I would worry about what I would say and how I would act at said friends house and it made me sick!!! I am not that bad off as an adult, but I do have some social anxiety still. I usually stay quiet in crowds even though I think I am friendly person with a personality that only comes out with close friends. Anxiety is a real struggle so I totally get what you are saying.

    ReplyDelete
  7. As much as the regular "confessions" posts entertain me, it is refreshing for a blogger to share a "real" confession. It's a journey to start learning things about ourselves such as "I have social anxiety" and "I need to give anxiety meds a try". Sometimes, this can be a really positive journey even if you feel like a "wack job" during it (which you are NOT a wack job).

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for sharing this self discovery, I think it's really useful for people to hear that we can realise things about ourselves at any point as we go through life. Sometimes I feel like getting to a certain age means I ought to be "all sorted out by now" but that's just not the case. I'm a massive introvert (like, off the scale) and whilst it's maybe not helpful to be too constricted by that classification, I do get very tired and drained being around other people. I like socialising, but I just know how tired I'm going to get and that makes me reluctant to go sometimes. I think there's a lot of it about.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad you know what it is. Makes it easier to treat and handle when you know the issue. I don't anxiety, per se, but I'm definitely nervous and on edge -- want to leave on time, don't want to be stuck in traffic.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I found myself nodding my head as I read this. I do the same thing where I make plans with people but then don't want to go, even though it is usually a good time. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better.

    ReplyDelete

Comments welcome, encouraged, and wanted!